Match Report - C.H.U.M.S secure their first cheeky victory of the league

Howdy folks, Dorksworth here for a post match analysis of this evening game between league flops Tribbiani C.H.U.M.S and the Osaka Squids.

After what has been a disappointing start to the league, with two embarrassing defeats to Forge Father teams and two dead monkeys to dispose of, it all looked very grim for Coach Joseph Tribbiani. Could tonight's default victory be a signal for change? We caught up with Tribbiani, Buzzcut, and star player Marcelle Alpha after the game to find out...

A match made in heaven?

[Dorksworth] Coach Tribbiani, you must be relieved to finally get your team on the score sheet. A few of us in the office were beginning to doubt you'd make it off the grid!

[Tribbiani] *Mutters to himself* ... And if I splice the genes of the first generation with -

[Dorksworth] COACH TRIBBIANI? Are you listening?

[Tribbiani] Hmm? Oh yes, tonight's game, very successful I'm sure... Yes Doris? You'll have to tell Dr. Simmonds to wait, I'm hungry for -

[Dorksworth] Riiiiiight.... Moving on *Fruitcake*. Many in the crowd are saying that you owe tonight's success to Buzzcut, just how much did you pay for him?!

[Tribbiani] Bananas.

[Dorksworth] What?!

[Tribbiani] Bananas. We payed for him in Bananas my dear fellow. Hmm?

[Dorksworth] Mr. Buzzcut -

[Buzzcut] *Growls*

[Dorksworth] Ahh ahem, Mr. Buzzcut - SIR - can you please explain why you took bananas for tonight's game?

[Buzzcut] I didn't, this blithering idiot is off his rocker. He offered me Bananas and I nearly rammed them up his [Redacted] but luckily for him, DGB officials stepped in and payed my wages with his underdog bonus.

[Dorksworth] Ah, it makes sense now. Can you give us a Blow by Blow account of what happened on the pitch tonight?

[Buzzcut] Well Gerald, First thing I did was squash that octopus thing they had running after the ball. Splattered him good and proper, the game was in the bag then - They had no ball handlers left, so they couldn't win.

[Dorksworth] Ah, a fortunate technicality -

[Buzzcut] *Growls* Fortune didn't come into it, When I pick my targets, they go down.

[Dorksworth] OK OK I didn't mean to offend you or anything. What happened next?

[Buzzcut] Well, then I got this chattering circus of monkey's to pester and distract a couple of his Guards. I splattered them too.

[Alpha Marcelle] Me do good, me do good, me do good.

[Dorksworth] Yes congratulations Alpha, how does it feel to win your first game?

[Alpha Marcelle] Me do good, me do good, me do good. Give banana's Alpha, me do Good?!

[Tribbiani] SILENCE ALPHA

[Dorksworth] Yes, right. Alpha, we all noticed that aside running around and getting in the way, you and your pals managed to drop the ball on several occasions, and fluff your only chance to score. This is looking like a pattern in all your games so far?

[Alpha Marcelle] Dreadball big and heavy, dreams of Banana's - distracting. Too preoccupied to be able to concentrate on game.

[Dorksworth] Which is probably going to present a problem for you team if none of you can do anything?

[Alpha Marcelle] We got plan, we got plan, we got plan!!!

[Tribbiani] SILENCE ALPHA, we will not speak of this

[Dorksworth] Buzzcut, what's that in your pocket?

[Buzzcut] This? Well, I figured I might as well get one banana *Starts peeling*

[Tribbiani] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Alpha Marcelle] BANANAS!!!!!!!

[C.H.U.M.S] *Squeals of delight*

[Buzzcut] Arrrrgh, get em off me AGGGGHHHH

[Dorksworth] I'm getting out of here! Back to the office!

Squids In: the Team with No Name.

Hiya, I'm Will from the Outpost in Sheffield. I've played in every league run by the redoubtable Chris and irrepressible Jimmi, mostly with Humans, and mostly getting second place in the league and judging by the numbers of cheers, every fans' favourite second team. This season, I've challenged myself with the Nameless (The Osaka Squids) – having played John Doe in the league and season-closing tournament I think I've got a handle on Gotcha! This is an occasional blog on my team's progress and what I've learned so far...

Playing with a Nameless team is very much like a Marathon. By that I mean the chocolate not-so-recently replaced by Snickers – let me explain by introducing the players. There are two distinct types of guard (a first for Dreadball) and also strikers:

Sticky Guard
These start with a basic human guard chassis (that is to say every stat is 4+) although it is slower with a movement of 4. They also have Gotcha!, which increases their threat hex modifiers and also allows access to a whopping -3 overall modifier, enough to stop opposition Jacks from rolling any dice. They play a dual role of Guard and Jack by marking players. They're the sticky nougat at the heart of the team, holding everything together, and I have three playing in my team already.

Hitty Guard
Just like a Forgefather Guard, crunchy yet brittle, these are the peanuts with which to smash your opponent's players. With a movement of 5 they can cover a fairly broad section of the board, which is good because they'll probably do much of the legwork in clearing the board.#

Striker
Don't be fooled by these crazy shrimps, they are just human strikers in disguise! They have two ways to move the ball around - Safe Pair of Hands makes long ball (9 hex) throws fairly reliable, at least for catching; Movement 6, however, favours a running game – they should be able to get into strike zones with one sprint. Seemingly one of the most versatile strikers in the game, they are the sweet chocolate surrounding your beat sticks.

The team starts off with two each of both Guards, and it is likely that these players will stay on the pitch throughout the league (unless they are knocked off it). Whilst two hitty guards is more than enough to squish Jacks foolish enough to embrace their tentacled cousins, the two sticky guards are likely to find themselves stretched thin, as their low move. The remainder of the team is stocked up with strikers, which despite their high points cost are somewhat disposable, given their relatively squishy nature, and two will more than likely suffice on the pitch.

That's the team introduced - next time I'll go through my thoughts on the next steps in a league, ideal advancements and who to recruit next...

Season 3 Lineup - Coaches Contacts

With the fixtures for the whole league now sent to coaches its high time we gave all you Dreadball fans a rundown of the teams competing for the biggest Dreadball League this side of the Trent gulf.

So in no particular order... (forum name is in brackets)

Roaring Riptides - Steel Division
Coach - Adrain Mills (AdrianMills)
Type - Corporation (Sirens)
The Riptides are a new team with a coach new to league play. We have seen how these girls roll in what was an epic cat fight for the wooden spoon in Punter Bowl a few months ago. Are these girls ready to Roar into the lead in this Season or will they be out with the tide?

The New Zoal All Hacks - Steel Division
Coach - Ben Ryan (ScewbylikeAsir)
Type - Corporation (29ers)
Another new coach in the Steel division could make for some great action this season. The flexibity of the Corporation team will grant a helpful introduction into league play, but can they build on it to take top spots or will they just be another hack?

I.C.E. Devils - Steel Division
Coach - Simon Blakemore (Simon)
Type - Forge Fathers
A Veteran of the Outpost League. Mr Blakemore has returned for a 3rd season with a new team. Forge Fathers seem to be back on the rise again after suffering during Seasons 1 and 2. Can Simon breathe new life into the little men or will the new rookies in his division put a chill on their success?

The Law - Iron Division
Coach - Chris Blackburn (chrisbburn)
Type - Forge Fathers
Back with Forge Fathers, although definatly not the same team he lost everything with in Season 1. The Law are a force to be reckoned with especially in a division of rivals like the Iron Division. Will these self proclaimed upholders of justice show their bitter rivals the error of their ways or will in be a night in the can for The Law?

Laniidae Shrikes - Iron Division
Coach - Chris Daubney (I AM MOGAR!)
Type - Corporation (Sirens)
After two seasons coaching the Beasts to become the fan favorites and putting plenty of strikers in the ICU. Coach Daubney has hung up his Beasting gloves in favor of the pesky Sirens play style. Will this change allow him to finally win a league instead?

Tribbiani CHUMS - Iron Division
Coach - James Taylor (jimmi)
Type - Zees
After a Landslide win with The Tuscan Swordfish in Season 2 and a overall win at Punterbowl with the Mighty Dorks, seems like Coach Jimmi is looking for a new challenge and they come in form of a troupe of cloned mini monkeys. Sure to bring chaos and confusion but can this veteran clone another win or will he slip on a banana skin?

Osaka Squids - Copper Division
Coach - Will Hopkins (Jaggedlilwill)
Type - Nameless
Another Veteran coach returning with a new season 3 team. Will has played in all the Outpost events and has plenty of experience winning with different teams and now he is trying his hand at the Nameless - A team that has been mentioned [perhaps somewhat prematurely - ed] as the Judwan of season 3 either way they look a very powerful team can Will make them winners or just damp squid?

Blueskin Krumpers - Copper Division
Coach - Daniel Haslem (vorpalhit)
Type - Marauders
Back for another season after taking the plunge with a Forge Father team in season 2 where he racked up some impressive stats for the then lost cause Forge Fathers including breaking the Tuscan Swordfish in a landslide victory. Dan is back for more with another Season 1 team and the only Marauders team in the league which puts them in great posistion for the bloodiest team this time round, or will they get themselves krimped?

Teraton Avalanches - Copper Division
Coach - Tom Silcock (Tom_Uk)
Type - Teraton
Our final team and another veteran member of the outpost league. Tom is backing the Teratons this season and by all acoounts in pre season games they are a force to worry about. They hit like giant teleporting turtles that are angry, very angry. You're going to see some bloody games in the Copper division and I think Turtles might come out on top unless someone can give them a serious shredding.

And so thats the line up, The league begins on Monday who is going to get first blood/strike/win?

Stay tuned to the Punter.

We're Back! Outpost League Season 3 Preview Preview

Re-introducing your favourite pundits Garry "Golden Boy" Walker and Thonk "The Thinker"

[Garry] That’s right sports fans thanks to "Sir" Gerald Dorksworth, we are free and back on the holo-vids.

[Thonk] Garry there is no way you can think that we are going to be free - it's going to be a Mighty Dorks songs of praise from here on.

[Garry] Thonk, we've talked about this - Gerald Dorksworth is a fine upstanding pillar of the community. *Cough*

[Thonk] In the interest of staying on the air I will shut up.

[Garry] A wise idea my clever green friend. Well on with the show.

[Thonk] We are here for a preview of our season preview, mainly because teams cannot seem to work out their own identity.

[Garry] Season 3 is set to be huge Thonk, maybe all these GIANTS are scaring the coaches of previous seasons into changing their approach.

[Thonk] Or just their name as the newly christened 'The Law' seem to have done. How anyone has been taken by this new team is beyond me - the only thing different between them and the Arkand Ramz is that The Law seem to be able to win.

[Garry] Thonk, we've only just closed a legal case let’s not start again. But I can see where you might get that idea. In other news rumours have it that The Kilika Beasts, season 1 and 2 fan favourite’s will not attempt to hold their status as Brutes and Thugs in season 3 - what can this mean?

[Thonk] I think Beasts chairman Chris Daubney has got bored of writing condolences to the unfortunate victims of a "Beasting"

[Garry] Well I am sure that his new team The Laniidae Shrikes will be equally entertaining - just a little more on the human side.

[Thonk] Other teams we have heard rumours of are the Titan Wasps, the League of Super Villains and the Osaka Squids. As always we will have more news as soon as we have it.

[Garry] And during Season 3 we will be bringing all the high speed action and analysis you came to expect before ARC Corporation tried to shut us down.