Thursday, 21 November 2013

Match Report - C.H.U.M.S secure their first cheeky victory of the league

Howdy folks, Dorksworth here for a post match analysis of this evening game between league flops Tribbiani C.H.U.M.S and the Osaka Squids.

After what has been a disappointing start to the league, with two embarrassing defeats to Forge Father teams and two dead monkeys to dispose of, it all looked very grim for Coach Joseph Tribbiani. Could tonight's default victory be a signal for change? We caught up with Tribbiani, Buzzcut, and star player Marcelle Alpha after the game to find out...

A match made in heaven?

[Dorksworth] Coach Tribbiani, you must be relieved to finally get your team on the score sheet. A few of us in the office were beginning to doubt you'd make it off the grid!

[Tribbiani] *Mutters to himself* ... And if I splice the genes of the first generation with -

[Dorksworth] COACH TRIBBIANI? Are you listening?

[Tribbiani] Hmm? Oh yes, tonight's game, very successful I'm sure... Yes Doris? You'll have to tell Dr. Simmonds to wait, I'm hungry for -

[Dorksworth] Riiiiiight.... Moving on *Fruitcake*. Many in the crowd are saying that you owe tonight's success to Buzzcut, just how much did you pay for him?!

[Tribbiani] Bananas.

[Dorksworth] What?!

[Tribbiani] Bananas. We payed for him in Bananas my dear fellow. Hmm?

[Dorksworth] Mr. Buzzcut -

[Buzzcut] *Growls*

[Dorksworth] Ahh ahem, Mr. Buzzcut - SIR - can you please explain why you took bananas for tonight's game?

[Buzzcut] I didn't, this blithering idiot is off his rocker. He offered me Bananas and I nearly rammed them up his [Redacted] but luckily for him, DGB officials stepped in and payed my wages with his underdog bonus.

[Dorksworth] Ah, it makes sense now. Can you give us a Blow by Blow account of what happened on the pitch tonight?

[Buzzcut] Well Gerald, First thing I did was squash that octopus thing they had running after the ball. Splattered him good and proper, the game was in the bag then - They had no ball handlers left, so they couldn't win.

[Dorksworth] Ah, a fortunate technicality -

[Buzzcut] *Growls* Fortune didn't come into it, When I pick my targets, they go down.

[Dorksworth] OK OK I didn't mean to offend you or anything. What happened next?

[Buzzcut] Well, then I got this chattering circus of monkey's to pester and distract a couple of his Guards. I splattered them too.

[Alpha Marcelle] Me do good, me do good, me do good.

[Dorksworth] Yes congratulations Alpha, how does it feel to win your first game?

[Alpha Marcelle] Me do good, me do good, me do good. Give banana's Alpha, me do Good?!


[Dorksworth] Yes, right. Alpha, we all noticed that aside running around and getting in the way, you and your pals managed to drop the ball on several occasions, and fluff your only chance to score. This is looking like a pattern in all your games so far?

[Alpha Marcelle] Dreadball big and heavy, dreams of Banana's - distracting. Too preoccupied to be able to concentrate on game.

[Dorksworth] Which is probably going to present a problem for you team if none of you can do anything?

[Alpha Marcelle] We got plan, we got plan, we got plan!!!

[Tribbiani] SILENCE ALPHA, we will not speak of this

[Dorksworth] Buzzcut, what's that in your pocket?

[Buzzcut] This? Well, I figured I might as well get one banana *Starts peeling*


[Alpha Marcelle] BANANAS!!!!!!!

[C.H.U.M.S] *Squeals of delight*

[Buzzcut] Arrrrgh, get em off me AGGGGHHHH

[Dorksworth] I'm getting out of here! Back to the office!

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